A Route Through Trauma

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

After working in a very challenging job in SEN education in the past I developed bad anxiety and have some trauma. Self-limiting beliefs acted as mental barriers to me improving my health and improving my Fibromyalgia symptoms.

I think my brain was subconsciously telling me that being healthy would put me back in harms way as physical restraints of young people with SEN to keep them and other safe was an essential part of the job, nut it brought its dangers. Having Fibromyalgia meant that I could not do it anymore and was somehow safer. The brain makes up all sorts of beliefs and stories to keep you safe, even if they are not really true.

Fast forward to today and my recent past and I’ve tried positive thinking, focusing on thriving so I can help others and other such things to try and come up with reasons to improve my Fibromyalgia but I kept hitting a mental wall that increased my anxiety and I stopped doing what was obviously good for me. The anxiety of self preservation always prevailed.

I have, for a while, had a fascination with martial arts. I cannot practice them but I love the philosophy behind them. I recently thought about bringing this philosophy into my life and decided to make discipline a key value that i would strive for and I seemed to bypass the mental barriers created by my past trauma and got on with doing my exercises, Chi Kung (Qigong) and eating better. It was as if I had tricked my brain.

Thinking about this I realised that this was possibly because I was focused on the present  and not the future, like I was when I was trying to ‘thrive’ in order to help people in the future. It became obvious, as is often pointed out in films and programmes that touch on eastern philosophy, that being in the moment reduces stress and gives us a clearer mind.

I realise that I am not necessarily finding a route through my trauma but it seems less of a barrier and more of something to be curious about and understand when i focus on the present. I think that when we understand trauma it loses its power. So, maybe a sidestep is better than taking it head on when we are not ready to handle such psychological challenges.

A wall is hard to get through but not when you use the door.

Divided By Devices

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

I walked into a small Subway on a retail park the other day to find a small wall covering the glass that housed the various fillings for the sandwiches that you can buy in front of which were three touch screens for ordering your food and drinks with card machines next to each one to pay for your order.

There were two staff working away and paying next to no attention to me. They had Bluetooth headphones in and were concentrating on their work behind the counter. There was not so much as a hello. I ordered the food and drinks for me and my family and sat down. The only interaction I had with a staff member was one of them telling me my food was ready, which had been left by the unused till for me to collect.

I was in shock at the lack of interaction, which to me is central to good customer service. While sitting waiting for my order I was reminded of watching three people at work in the cafeteria area sat around a table, each looking at their mobile phone and not talking to each other. They were all in their early twenties. I’m in my forties so I remember life before the internet and mobile phones, so this seemed really strange to me. However, I appreciate that it is normal now.

I am aware that businesses like Subway and McDonalds have moved to touch screens for placing orders for the purposes of efficiency and saving money, as you need less staff, and the infinite scroll has made mobile phones into addictive slot machines where you pull down and win another hit of dopamine, but for all this use of devices in the absence of interaction exists because we have given permission to society by accepting it as normal.

The thing is, we are a social species and to our brains it is not normal to use devices in the absence of human interaction and it breads isolation, loneliness and the inability to start and hold a conversation. My generation fumbled our way through learning how to converse with each other but those in their mid-twenties and younger have not had that because it is easier to hide behind a mobile phone.

Conversing with another human being is a skill that seems to be lost and when we don’t look each other in the eye we become divided. We lose the sense that we are more alike than we are different. We all need to go on a diet from our devices and talk to each other, learn from each other, laugh with each other and cry with each other. We need community.

2026 Goals: Define Your Goals

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, Success

When defining your goals we need to have already done the work in defining our beliefs and our purpose, or our Why. Our beliefs underpin all that we do. They are the foundation of the decisions we make and the actions we take or don’t take. Without clear beliefs we can make missteps all over the place.

Our purpose is the reason we do everything that we do. It is the overall goal, the thing to set our compass by and should be our direction of travel through life. Along with our beliefs our purpose helps us to make decisions. It is the thing we hold our decisions up against as we ask ourselves if what we are doing is good or not.

Our goals as smaller targets that we know will move us closer to our purpose. They should be short term, medium term and long term. Short term are daily and weekly goals. Medium term are quarterly or six monthly goals. Long term are goals that are yearly and beyond.

It is useful to think of the short term goals as serving the medium and long term goals. With our beliefs, purpose and goals in place we can have a successful and meaningful life.

2026 Goals: Find Your Purpose

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, Success

Finding your purpose is a well worn phrase and can often cause people to switch off and stop listening. There is another phrase that can be used when talking about purpose that was popularised by Simon Sinek, and that is starting with why.

We all have a central reason why we do what we do and this reason is hard wired into our brain by the time we get to our early 20s. It is our operating model that is the root of our decisions and how we live our lives.

It also comes from the central part of our brain which has no capacity for language. So, identifying what our Why is and describing it can be difficult. The good news is that Simon Sinek wrote books entitled Start With Why and Find Your Why that can help you figure it out.

Once you find your Why it will supercharge your success and happiness in your life. Also, your Why will help you figure out your 2026 goals. Goals that will more likely be reached because they will be aligned with who you are rather than trying to achieve generic goals that you have no emotional connection to.

2026 Goals: Choosing Your Beliefs

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

Whenever we begin a new year there is pressure to set new goals around health, finance and personal development. Very rarely do these goals continue to be worked on beyond the first quarter of the year. We rationalise ourselves out of them until they fall by the wayside.

The problem is that we all have an unconscious set of beliefs that unconsciously run our lives. Where possible our brains automate things, so the familiar becomes a habit and then it becomes automatic. We do the same things because we always have and our brains tell us to, and then we get the same results.

To change the results in our lives we need to figure out what negative beliefs we have and work on replacing them with better, more effective ones. Negative beliefs about ourselves often come from trauma where the brain comes up with a story to explain what has happened and then turns it into a belief as a self protection mechanism.

One of mine is that I am not capable because in a previous role working with special needs children I made a decision that resulted in being assaulted to the point where I had concussion. My brain interpreted that as ‘making decision and taking responsibility is dangerous ‘ because I am not capable of making good decisions. This is not true but my brain believed it.

I am working on replacing that belief with the phrase ‘I am always capable’. Obviously this will not always be the case but your subconscious believed what it is told, whether consciously or unconsciously. Adding ‘always’ makes it effective.

What unconscious beliefs are holding you back and what can you replace them with?

Make it your new years resolution to find these negative unconscious beliefs and rewire them. Then set your goals.

Think Like A Leader

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success

I have come to realise recently that I have been thinking of myself as a victim. I have had circumstances that have left scars and trauma and as a result I now see that I saw myself as a victim. I am sure that I have come to this realisation before and decided to make changes to take ownership of my life but fell back into the same mental habits when life got challenging. A cycle that can be hard to break. When you have a victim mindset you are essentially helpless in whatever situation you find yourself in.

I have been reflecting on times when I was thrust into a leadership role and had a responsibility to take care of those I was leading and I stepped up to the role and thrived. The feelings of victimhood fell away. I was happier and more in control and I made a difference.

I now realise that the moral of the story is that the route to happiness is helping others to be happy. The route to confidence is to think like a leader and take care of those around you. When you do that you will step up and lead, and you leave no room to be a victim. You do not need to be in a leadership role to think like a leader. It is more about the way you carry yourself and how you act. It is about how you treat those around you.

Spirit Of Generosity

Happiness, Health, Relationships

Christmas is a time of giving, as the saying goes. It is a time when we spend a lot of money on presents for our loved ones. We also spend our time with then too. I would argue that it is more meaningful and more of a gift to spend time with others. We can always get more money, but time is a non-renewable resource. Who we choose to spend our time with is meaningful and has a significant impact on our lives.

This generous spirit is not something we should limit to the Christmas period. Ideally, it should be a way of life. If we live our lives with a generous spirit then we will make those around us happier, whether they are family, friends, or colleagues, or people we are meeting for the first time. The wider we extend who we are generous to the happier our lives will be.

To help others without expecting anything in return is planting trees under whose shade we will not sit. The fruits of the trees will benefit those we will never meet. It is also true that one generous act encourages another and the wave of generosity goes out into the world making it better one small act of generosity at a time. Even a smile is a gift that can lift someone’s spirits. So go and be generous every day and see how your life changes and how you change the lives of others.

Choose Your Direction In Life

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

When you stand or sit still you are already moving. The Earth is spinning moving you in one direction, the Earth is orbiting the Sun moving you in another direction, our galaxy is rotating moving you in another direction and the universe is expanding moving you in yet another direction. We don’t feel any of this because the speed is constant in all of these directions, but we are always being moved. When we pick a direction to move in and we start to move then we are choosing our own direction.

In life we are often moved by the will of others or our circumstances, but in each situation we have a choice in how we respond. Be a victim or believe in yourself. Be pushed down by life or rise up. Choose how you move and no matter how the world moves you, you will be in charge of your life.

Why We Should Thrive

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, Success

A tree like all things in nature tries to thrive. It does so naturally, it is it’s normal state of being. In thriving it roots itself to the ground, it fights against gravity and grows towards the light, and it produces fruit to serve those around them.

We are not much different. Our natural state of being is to try and thrive, but often our past experiences and our understanding of them shape our mind in ways that make us think small and live small. To thrive seems scary, it seems beyond our capabilities or too dangerous to attempt. It is as if we don’t want to sail the sea because we think we might fall off the horizon.

As scary as it might be to try and thrive, a life wasted living small would be a regret worse than thriving and failing along the way.

My past traumas make me want to live small. My unconscious beliefs formed like mental scares from my past experiences feel like an invisible force stopping me from doing what I know will help me thrive. It takes courage to push through these mental barriers. I plan to try and be brave. I will fail along the way, but no mountain can be climbed sitting in a chair.

Remember, you are not alone. Like trees whose roots link with other trees to share resources and hold each other against strong winds, you have a community to lean on, so do. When we serve each other we all thrive together. There is no me without you. We all exist interconnected. We walk our own paths but we do so beside others walking their own paths.

When we thrive we can better serve others. When we serve others we thrive more ourselves. Take your first step. I am taking mine.

Everything We Do Is About Legacy

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success

When we think of legacy, we think of having children or building a business or community organisation that will go on for generations, but I would argue that everything we do is about legacy.

Whenever we interact with someone, the impact, whether positive or negative, from our words and actions can be far-reaching. Like ripples across water, we can deeply wound or deeply enthuse those we interact with. Someone could be having a terrible day, but kind words or an actual of kindness can turn their day around and could be a catalyst for positive change.

Alternatively, if we are mean or unkind, we could change a person’s life trajectory down a dark path. Our words and actions have the power to impact the lives of others significantly.

Some years ago, I met a homeless man sitting outside a shop crying. I stopped to talk to him, and he told me that it was his 40th birthday and he was alone. It was November, and we were coming into a cold winter in the UK. He told me that he was on a waiting list for a hostel but had to wait 12 weeks. This meant he had to survive living on the streets through the winter before he could get a place to live.

I talked with him for a while, and as I lived nearby, I went home and packed a bag of warm clothes, including a woolly hat and gloves, and gave them to him. He was very grateful. I like to think that this small act of kindness got him through the winter and may have dissuaded thoughts of suicide during that difficult time. I also like to think that he has a better life now and is passing on the goodwill to others. I have no way of knowing, of course, but I hope. A small act of generosity from me could have had a big impact on him.

We don’t know the impact we have on those we interact with day to day. So, be kind, be generous, and be accepting of others, and together we can make the world a better place one interaction at a time, and if we make this a habit then this will change us for the better too.

Convenience Is About The Destination And Not The Journey

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Leadership, Relationships, Success

Convenience is about the destination and not the journey. When making our way to the summit of a mountain, we can climb up on foot, or we can take a helicopter. The problem with taking the helicopter is that so much is missed in the journey.

When we climb on foot, we see things that we can not see from the air in a helicopter. We push our limits and learn what we are capable of, and we work together with others, cheering each other on and being cheered pn by others because the climb is hard and the victory is earned.

When we take shortcuts and do not do the work, the destination feels empty. There is no sense of accomplishment.

You Can’t Step Into The Same River Twice

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

I recently visited a church that was my spiritual home for many years before I moved away from the area. The church was the same with the same minister, but the congregation had grown and was filled with new people.

At first, it felt uncomfortable as it felt so different because I didn’t know most of the people attending, but the vibe and the spirit of the place were the same. It made me think about the idea of not being able to step in the same river twice because the water constantly changes as it flows downstream.

However, the name and location of the river remain the same. I suppose you could say that all things, people and places are both different and the same each time we encounter them. They are the same river but the river is different.

We are also different each day and in each moment. The eyes through which we see the world at 15 years old are very different to the eyes we see through at 30 and 60 and 90 years old. To a large degree, we see the world how we are not how the world is. Becoming aware of this and recognising the changing state of things and of us can help us to navigate the world successfully.

The Decisions We Make

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, Success

The other evening, I was getting ready for bed and was about to wash my face and brush my teeth when in the bathroom I saw a bee sat on the windowsil. My first reaction was fear, and my mind started racing with imaginings of the bee stinging me. At this point, I was presented with a choice: be scared or be curious.

I chose the latter and moved in closer to have a look at the bee. It was alive, and it seemed to be sleeping. I noticed it was a honeybee, and my mind became filled with compassion. The bee must have been flying around all day looking for pollen to make honey and was exhausted. I left the bee there to rest, and in the morning, I opened the window, and after a while, it woke up and flew out to head home.

The point is that when we are faced with making a decision we can decide what to do based on fear, anger and other negative states, or we can make it based on curiosity, empathy and other positive states. The choice before we make the decision is whether we react or respond to circumstances. Do we step back or attack, or do we lean forward or empathise? Whichever we choose can become a habit, so choose carefully.

This Is Your Craft

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Relationships, Success

The work that people do when they are working at a successful level is often described as a craft. A craft is an activity with specialist skills that need to be perfected to be good at that thing. It is the element of perfecting these skills that causes the work of successful people to be described as a craft.

I have come to realise that whatever a person’s craft is, there is another craft that sits behind it and is the same for everyone. This singular craft is the craft of thriving. It involves the thinking of the mind, the actions of the body, and the cultivating of chi. If you do not have the right mental health, physical health, and chi health, you don’t have any health at all. And without good health, you can not be successful.

So, the craft behind your craft is to make sure that you thrive. This begins with your mind. The thoughts you have and the beliefs you hold, both conscious and unconscious, control most of how your day goes. If you are not in a good place mentally, most things will not go well. You won’t be happy and you won’t be successful. When your mind is in a good place, you can make sure that your body is healthy and your chi is balanced, strong, and flowing. Then, with this foundation, you can work on your craft and be successful.

When you thrive, you can better succeed and serve others. When you serve others, they can better thrive, and so can you. To thrive and help others to thrive is the foundation of a good life.

Don’t Be Authentic

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

Like choosing a character in a computer game based on their skills and characteristics, we get to choose our character by the choices we make every day, big and small.

Quite often, these choices are small, like miner course corrections that a pilot makes as the plane gets buffeted by winds and storms along the way to the planes destination. There are times in life, though, when we make what feel like life altering decisions. This can be in relationships, at work or where we choose to live, and many other areas in our lives.

One for me was when I worked in a coffee shop run by two businessmen, and they offered me a job with lots of money and travel prospects. I had just got married and was moving to another city. My gut told me that lots of travel opportunities would mean spending lots of time in hotels and not with my wife. I had to decide what was more important, money or time with my wife. I turned down the big money in favour of time with my wife.

I’m not mentioning this to say something about myself, I’m mentioning it to illustrate the kinds of decisions that become compass markers in the direction that our character takes. It might have worked out well if I had taken the job offer and I may not have been away from my wife all the time, but I went with my gut and I’m happy with the decision I made.

The point is that making decisions big and small tells us who we are. They mould our characters and sense of self. It is more important to be aligned with our character, to be ourselves than to aim to be authentic. Often, people will excuse bad behaviour by saying that they are being authentic. Hitting someone in the face because you are having a bad day is being authentic in the same way that a 2 year old is authentic. It is better to be true to yourself with the choices that you make. True to your principles and values, which comprise your character.

Find The Quiet In The Storm

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success
Find the quiet in the storm,
Find the path in the chaos.
The quiet is the mountain,
The path is the light.
Find the balance between the two.

We all live through challenging, noisy times and chaotic times, too. Not necessarily every day, but it happens to us all. To try and control the storm or the chaos would be a fools errand really as the world can not be controlled. The only thing we can realistically control is ourselves; our minds and the paths we choose to follow.

To find quiet in our minds amongst the storm around us, to find it despite the storm is a skill that can be practised and mastered. To practise meditation is to lift the mental weights that build the capability to be quiet and calm when all around you is not.

Similarly, the paths we choose in life define us, but there are so many paths, so many choices to make each day. To choose a path and to stick with it is also a skill. To follow a path amongst the chaos is not easy, but it is possible. The trick is to see the light that illuminates your chosen path and to follow it, no matter what.

These two things, the stillness in your mind and the path you follow, are different things, both with their own importance. The challenge is to balance them both. Too much stillness, and you don’t get anywhere. Only follow the path, and you can get lost along the way. This is the challenge of living a wise and intentional life.

Thrive to Serve, Serve to Thrive

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

When being asked what the meaning of life is, I have a tendency to say 42 with my tongue firmly in my cheek. However, it is something I think about quite a lot, and currently, I have settled on the meaning of life to be to thrive and help others to thrive.

I could go into the many reasons for this, including the evolution of our socially focused species and the effects of feel good hormones when we do good for others, but essential if we thrive we are more able to help others, to serve them. Also, if we focus on serving others, our own well-being is improved, helping us to thrive. And on it goes.

I do not mean to be someone else’s servant, I mean to have the mindset to help others, to serve what they need to be happy and successful. Conversely, we also need to be open to allowing others to help us. Allowing this is a gift to the person helping us because it allows them to reap the rewards that come from helping other people.

This cycle goes on and on and can spread through the world, causing us all to thrive together. So, if we work on thriving in mind, body, and chi, we can serve others when they need us to, and in serving others, we thrive even more.

The Rhyming of the Universe.

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

So many elements of the world and the universe work together like musical notes, like a symphony of sounds. Like the rhyming of poetry. Womb rhymes with tomb, bet rhymes with debt, and so on. Words that oppose each other yet are paired by their meaning. We give things words and meaning, we categorise and divide up the world so that we can make sense of the complexities of it all, but really, it is all one complex happening that we are each a part of.

We shy away from thinking about these complexities and prefer to think of ourselves in tribes and countries, races and genders. It is less scary to be part of a tribe and not to have to face the enormity of the universe. Division, however, invariably creates conflict. From the very first them and us, we are in conflict, even if just in our own heads.

Things like birth and death, work and play, happy and sad are not opposites in a finite sense. They are more like Yin and Yang, opposite sides of a circle. Ultimately, a circle only has one side. It is the balance of life, whether our individual lives or the interconnected web of all living things. The universe is not a collection of opposites, it is a symphony of sounds, a rhyming or words, it is one big happening.

Focus On The How Not The Why

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

Life runs away from us backwards into our pasts, giving us the sense that we are being propelled forwards in time, when we think about it. But our speed is constant, which is why we don’t really feel it day to day. The thing to do is to pay attention, be mindful and enjoy the scenary. Time gives us no choice but to age, if we are lucky.

The grey and the wrinkles are gifts. They remind us how far we have come and that we are still here. That we still have choices of how we can live. The how is the most imprtant thing, more so than the why.

Figure out the how and the why will take care of itself.

Don’t Call It Mental Health

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

It seems that the idea of mental health permeates Western culture as a requirement of wellbeing and a keen focus for employers and self-help gurus alike. The problem with the term and idea of mental health is that it is innately something that you have or you don’t. To feel that we don’t have it makes us feel that our life and mental state is below par and, therefore, less worthy than those who have it. It can make us feel that we are not enough.

I agree with Simon Sinek that a better term is ‘mental fitness’. It better describes the gradient upon which mental wellness sits. It becomes a scale and a skill to improve. It opens up the idea of working towards mental wellbeing one step at a time, much like building up strength or stamina. It implies a journey and not a binary situation where you have it or not. It allows for bad days and good days and avoids the self degradation that befalls those who do not feel mentally well. This includes those who have experienced war, as a soldier and a civilian.

Face What Scares You

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

There is a Buddhist idea that comes from the Sanscrit word ‘maitri’, which means loving-kindness. Quite often, we are hard on ourselves, and we put ourselves down, or we are judgemental towards others. In each of these cases, we are thinking about ourselves or others based on opinions and beliefs that we have collected over the years. Opinions and beliefs that may not have any truth to them at all.

This is also true of the things that scare us. The reason we are scared of people or situations is because of our opinions and beliefs about them. It is as if we are running away from them without actually looking at them. When we apply loving-kindness to ourselves, we are looking at ourselves openly and with an embracing sensibility that diffuses negative thinking until what remains is only positive.

If we apply loving-kindness to the things that scare us, when we are curious, when we are interested in why these things scare us, then they lose their power. They lose their power simply because you have chosen not to run away, we have chose to face them. I am not saying that this will be easy, but it is worth it.

Choose a Better Response

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

I often see people swiping their arms at flies buzzing around them, which is usually accompanied by comments such as “damn fly” or “irritating fly.” I have increasingly been of the opinion that being annoyed by a fly is a choice.

This comes from the perspective that life and the world are not as they are but how we are. We interpret the events that go on around us based on the meaning we put on them. This is not to negate verifiable facts that exist independent of interpretation. What I mean is whether we see something as good or bad, intimidating or joyous.

If it is true that we put such meaning on the events that we experience, then we choose to see a fly as irritating. We can, if we choose to, say hi to the fly and thank them for their visit, for example. They can not harm us and will usually fly away shortly after they fly near to us. If we apply this idea to the rest of our lives, there are many situations where we can choose a better response rather than reacting with negative emotions.

To Serve First Thrive

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

Put on your oxygen mask first is the instruction to parents when being given a safety briefing on a plane before the flight begins. The reason is that if you are unconscious, you can not help your child.

Equally, in day to day life, if you spend your time helping others and not looking after yourself, then you will become depleted, and your metaphorical cup will be empty. If you fill up your cup, then you have more to give.

In order to serve, you must first thrive yourself. To give you must first have plenty. This applies to your health, both mental and physical. To help others, you need to thrive so that the energy you give to others leaves you with energy to take care of yourself, too.

You also see the world and other people through the prism of yourself. You see things as you are, not how they are.

How We Treat Others

Happiness, Health, Relationships, Success

Before J K Rowling wrote Harry Potter, she was just another person sitting in a cafe working on a story. It is tempting to preach the idea that we should not judge a book by its cover, as the person we see as less than might become a billionaire. However, it is better to think that everyone has importance right here, right now.

It is better to avoid thinking of judging at all and instead to focus on treating each person you meet with dignity and respect. It does not matter if they are a billionaire or they are homeless and penniless. They are still human beings and still have value. The way in which we treat others says more about us than it does about those we interact with.

So, be the person who brightens up the day of others. Smile, say good morning, open doors for people, say thank you, put down your phone and speak to people face to face. Connect with others in meaningful ways.

The Power of Thoughts

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

Yesterday it was sunny and around 20 degrees Celsius, so I needed to put suncream on my 5 year old. As I was about to put it around her neck she said don’t tickle me and preceeded to wriggle around on the floor giggling as I tried to put on the suncream. I then had her sit up and take some slow breathes to allow me to try again. She let me put on the suncream and she didn’t feel like I was tickling her.

When she prepositioned in her head that it would tickle, that was her experience.  When she prepositioned in her head that it wouldn’t tickle it didn’t, as much.

A more extreme example can be found in Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search For Meaning. In the book, the author recounts his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp. He describes how some inmates would give up and others would move around helping others where they could, giving away their last piece of bread. The point being, one’s attitude or thoughts in any given situation can bring about very different states of mind.

Our thoughts become our emotions, and our emotions become our experiences, and our experiences, if repeated enough, become our reality; the world as we see it. Our thoughts are very powerful, and we have the power to choose them. So, we have a choice on how we see the world. Empower yourself by selecting your thoughts.

Be A Rebel, Be Content

Happiness, Health, Success

To buy the new fashion item or the new gadget, etc is to be unhappy with what you already have because it is not the new thing being sold to you. That is what it boils down to. This comes from the story told by those selling things to us that what they are offering will make us happy. This cannot be true if the last thing they sold us, which is now out of fashion or less up to date, also was supposed to make us happy.

It is better to try and be content with what we already have. Otherwise we will be leaping from shiny object to shiny object and never really being happy, just momentarily joyful.

What Changes Do You Need To Make?

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Success

There were two lumberjacks who spent their days chopping up wood with an axe. They both started and finished at the same time yet one of them would leave in the middle of the day for an hour and would still chop more wood by the end of the day. Frustrated by this the other lumberjack complained about how he chopped more wood but left for an hour each day and asked where he went everyday. He responded by saying that he went home to sharpen his axe.

The point of the story is that effort does not always determine results. Being effective can sometimes matter more. We all have things in our lives that need ‘sharpening,’ things that would change our lives for the better off if we made specific changes or improvements. The question then becomes, what ‘axes’ in your life need to be sharpened.

Beliefs Are More Important Than Goals

The Pathway To Fulfilment

I’m currently reading the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. I’m only part way through the book but the book makes a good argument why goals do not help with continuous improvement but systems do. The standout idea so far is the way in which we think of habits: “Changing our habits is challenging for two reasons: (1) we try to change the wrong thing and (2) we try to change our habits in the wrong way.”

When changing our habits we can look at outcomes, processes or identity. “Outcomes are about what you get. Processes are about what you do. Identity is about what you believe.” The most effective way is to see yourself as the kind of person you make the desired improvement or is doing the desired productivity or activity, to believe it. A great example in the book is this:

“Imagine two people resisting a cigarette. When offered a smoke, the first person says, “No thanks. I’m trying to quit.” It sounds like a reasonable response, but this person still believes they are a smoker who is trying to be something else. They are hoping their behavior will change while carrying around the same beliefs.

The second person declines by saying, “No thanks. I’m not a smoker.” It’s a small difference, but this statement signals a shift in identity. Smoking was part of their former life, not their current one. They no longer identify as someone who smokes.”

I guess it is all about mindset. Believe you are the kind of person who will achieve the goals that you want to achieve and your behaviour will reflect that belief. The results will then follow.

Build The Life You Want

Achieving Goals, Happiness, Health, Leadership, Success, The Pathway To Fulfilment

I recently watched an interview at Harvard with Oprah Winfrey and Arthur Brooks where they were discussing the book that they wrote together called Build The Life You Want. This book is on my to do list of books to read, but they covered the essentials of it in this interview. You can watch the video by following this link, but here are the essentials.

Happiness has three elements.

  • Enjoyment (not pleasure)
  • Meaning or purpose
  • Satisfaction

Enjoyment is pleasure plus people and memory. You must spend time with other people and make memories together to experience enjoyment. Also, you cannot keep satisfaction through acquiring things. There is an equation, however, for lasting satisfaction. Lasting satisfaction equals all the things you have divided by all the things you want. If you reduce the things that you want you increase lasting satisfaction.

Faith is believing that there is something larger than yourself. This could be God, nature, the universe, etc. The point is that you are not the centre of your universe.

As well as the elements of happiness that are mentioned above, there are institutions in your life that all need your attention to be happier. They are like a pension fund where you have to deposit in all of them to reap the rewards of feeling happier further down the road. These institutions are:

  • Family
  • Friends
  • Faith
  • Work that serves others

It is important not to think of happiness as a destination, but to aim for happierness. To be happier than you are now. It is a shift in state by ensuring that you focus on all four institutions.

When good things happen to you or bad things happen to you a good practice is to think, how can I use this in the service of others? This will mean that the bad things and the good things have purpose and you have control over what you do with what you get.

It is good to do small things with great love. Don’t always focus on having a big impact or making a big change. Doing small things with great love will, in the end, have more of an impact. After all greatness is determined by service to others.

Social media is the junk food of social life. There is no substitute for being in the same room as someone and being able to look them in the eye. This human to human interaction will give you more of the feel good hormones and will build stronger relationships. Interacting through screens is not the same.

Finally, your legacy is not some great thing that you leave behind, it is every life that you touch.